This week in my counseling session, I felt like a fish out of water, flipping around, agitated and unable to centre myself. So what did it mean?
On the surface, we were dealing with my on-going 'thing' about being a financial burden while I'm not working; but it turned out that it was more than the uncomfortable subject that was making me agitated. The real issue was that I was uncomfortable with who I became in that situation.
Like everyone else, I play different roles in life - wife, daughter, sister... Equally, I have different sub-personalities - The Carer, The Martyr, The Teacher...
Annie was helping me to see how, in this particular situation, I flip from being a guilt-ridden child to a punishing parent. In fact, I spend so much of my time flipping between the two of these inner voices, that it's a wonder I'm not dizzy!
This week's insight was discovering the Adult within. This is, as I understand it, the grounded, wise and authentic Inner Self. It's the truest part of me. Not the parts I created to cope with other people's reactions and expectations.
I had been so busy flipping from child to parent, that I'd lost Myself. I was full of ideas about how I 'should' improve, but I had no idea of who I desired to be and become through this life experience. Finding a different perspective allowed me to go beyond my fears and programming, and see the situation more creatively and less punishingly.
I still forget, on a daily basis, and fall into the child/parent conversation. And then I have moments when I remember to take a step back, to recentre in Myself, in the most authentic part of myself that I can access.
And how is all this related pregnancy? In several ways, at the most basic level, the less conflicted I am, the more love and acceptance I have to share with the child. As I become freer ofmy own limiting beliefs and inner voices, I have fewer hang-ups and limiting beliefs to pass on to our child. It leaves them with more emotional space to be themselves.