Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Love through joy
This weekend I was at my brother's wedding. I'm clearly a big softie as I cried through most of it. I wondered what it was about a wedding that has that effect on me - and a few others!
I think it's about love. Although weddings are very romantic occasions, they speak of love that is far deeper, richer and more complex than 'happy ever after' stories. Weddings indicate that two people want to share love at a whole new level; to experience its subtleties, its depths and heights.
It's in the commitment of living daily life together, side by side, that the nuances of love unfold... the masks drop, the reality of life brings a very different pulse and potency to love. It may loose some of its intensity, but the depth of the love increases. If we are lucky. Or, more appropriately, if we are committed to nurturing our relationship.
I read once that when we fall in love, we are not falling in love with the other person; we are falling in love with who we become when we are with them. In those heady first days we are blank canvases, no baggage… we show the very best of who we are, we feel the surge of joy when we experience ourselves as the wonderful person that we always thought we were. We are, in fact, in love with ourselves. Or experiencing the love of the self, through the admiring gaze of our partner.
The implications of this are far reaching. It means that we need never fall out of love. By feeling really good about ourselves, by holding that sense of joy and delight about who we are, we can experience far more of the lighter, more heady, joyful aspect of 'first love'.
When we are truly happy, we see the best in others. And that creates a totally different dynamic in the relationship. It brings in more light, more laughter, more delight...
I speak from experience on this one!
My month long experiment (which ends tomorrow) to actively feel a sense of joy and delight every day has yielded many insights and life changes (tune in tomorrow for the full story!). An infusion of romantic love has definitely been among the gifts I have received - I can't recommend this highly enough...
Taking responsibility for our own happiness releases so much energy, synchronicity, joy and passion that it's amazing any one looks for happiness through another human being. By taking control of our own happiness we free ourselves up to feel happy all the time. And to fall in love: again and again and again...