Monday, 27 September 2010
Well, having thought the baby was on the way, I was wrong! It was a false alarm. However, false alarms, just like 'real' alarms, can evoke fear...
Having a baby is traditionally seen as a painful process and, at the point where I thought that was the road I was about to journey down, I could feel the fear rising in me. How would I cope with the pain? How would I cope with the baby when s/he was here?
Irrational, unspecific, generalised feelings of anxiety, insecurity and fear arose within me. I even remember one moment when I briefly wondered if I could put off the birth!
This wasn't how I had planned it!
And more importantly, this wasn't who I wanted to be in this situation.
What I learnt was this: I noticed I was afraid, and that noticing automatically meant that there was a distance between 'me' and the 'fear'. Sure, it was a part of me, but it wasn't all of me. There was also the part of me that was observing the fearfulness. That opening, gave me a way to go beyond the fear, to understand that it wasn't all of me, I could choose to breathe deeply and trust myself in an unknown situation.
Right now, I'm focused on the potential challenges of birth, but I'm equally aware that new beginnings in general can evoke some fearfulness in any of us. I know they do for me! This experience was particularly strong for me: in that moment, I clearly understood that although fear can seem to have a firm hold, the moment we notice our fear, we have begun to move beyond it and into a place of deeper wisdom and knowing.