Thursday, 30 September 2010
On the lighter side
Small things in life can become greater challenges. Socks are now out, except at weekends, as I need help to get them on. Well, technically, I can do it myself, but the level of discomfort involved has meant that I don't!
Equally, I think twice and even three times before picking something up off the floor. Nor is the route to the floor so graceful... bending is out of the question, so it resembles a mid-air three-point-turn, as I coordinate knees and hands down to the ground. I was unimpressed at the weekend when, delighted to have retrieved the button, I lost my balance as I slowly started to stand up! My centre of gravity has moved!
And speaking of moving, as the baby grows, I would have imagined there was much less space for him... Not is his* opinion, he's moving around as if it were the South Pacific in there! On the other hand, I can't breathe properly any more, so I sound as though I have altitude sickness, even when I'm in bed! And my stomach and bowels are, to be polite, constricted!
But I have new talents too! I can balance my stomach on the kitchen counter! It's just a shame that I discovered that ability while standing close to the cooker! I am now at the point where small, light objects can be transported on top of my stomach - who needs a third hand?!
As for Braxton-Hicks contractions... who knew there were so many different types? There are ones that seize up the back, there are lower abdominal contractions, there are even upper abdominal contractions! And, because I have no idea what early labour feels like, I imagine each and every new set of cramps to be the start of labour. At least I'm not dragging Dirk home from work each time I experience a new twinge: he'd spend more time on the tube than at work if that were the case!
It even feels as though we are living in a hotel at the moment... I have developed a wee obsession with cleanliness and tidiness - not that I'm a very messy person anyway - but right now, it's all got to look perfect when the baby comes home, as the baby's eyesight extends 20 cm, there's a rich irony it his lack of ability to appreciate his gleaming home-coming! But the flat has to stay perfect each and every day, as I never know when the great moment will arrive! It's a good job I don't have to balance this cleaning with a job!!
As I write all this, I have a huge smile on my face. This is an adventure and a privilege. I am excited to share my body with this baby, and deeply honoured that he's chosen us to be his parents. I am also in a state of awe...
What astounds me is how this whole process - from conception to fetal growth to birth - happens in spite of me! There really is nothing I need to do - the process is unfolding according to its own wisdom. And, in a certain moment, the baby will emit a hormone that says he's ready to be born, and my body will respond with hormones to make that happen. How subtle a process, for a baby to 'decide' the moment has arrived and announce it with something as minute as a chemical change... There is something both primal and yet simultaneously sacred about the deep, unconscious 'knowing' of this entire process. And the realisation of how I can over complicate life by over-thinking it!
This truly has been a miraculous journey, a dance that I am elated to have danced because, regardless of how complicated the steps were, or how I felt I messed them up, I have been enriched immeasurably by this experience. And they say the best is yet to come...!